Why Sensual Pole Dance Can Be the Ultimate Expression of Self-Love
- Jo Valle
- Feb 14
- 9 min read
Challenging. Intimidating. Off-putting.
I’m talking about pole dance—or pole dancing, just a matter of preference. That’s why I gave up on it after a few tries back in 2013, when I started expanding my horizons in fitness (read about my journey here).
Four or five years later, I discovered the pole dance I had tried was actually called pole fitness to differentiate it from the sensual type known as exotic. This is the one that brings images of strips clubs, and therefore off limits to the prudish set.
Though no prude myself, I just felt I didn’t have the panache to pull off wearing lingerie-like clothing and platform heels while making seductive movements. I was sure I’d look awkward, if not downright silly.
But I loved seeing pole exotic teacher Karen Mesina and her students in the studio, usually waiting for the aerial hoop class that I was in to end so theirs could start. They were so sexy not so much because of how they looked but how they oozed with confidence being in their own skin. I could never.
Karen, who also taught aerial hoop, would invite me to join her pole exotic class. I thought she was just being polite because her class was almost always full. Why would she need another student who has zero experience and willingness to try pole exotic?
She was quite insistent, so I gave in once—or maybe twice. For sure, I looked awkward and silly. Still, I made sure I attended her farewell class as she prepared to migrate to Australia in 2018. I also turned up at her homecoming class held while she was on vacation in the Philippines in 2024.
That year, I took up pole fitness again and felt more open learning even pole exotic. I even bought a pair of Pleasers platform boots as a birthday gift to myself. But I only wore it the following year for a recital photo shoot because I wanted a different look while on aerial hoop.
Around third quarter of 2025, I decided to, know what, it’s time to break in those shoes and start learning pole exotic. That decision led me to attending classes taught by luminaries in the field, such as Anne Conda, Melanie Brillantes, and Jeffy.
It also got me to a conclusion that sensual pole dance can be the ultimate expression of self-love.
Karen finds one of the hardest and most rewarding ways to honor oneself
Karen Mesina, 34, has been based in Australia for the past eight years. She happily lives with “1 husband, 3 step kids, 2 cats, 1 dog,” while working as a data analyst. Fitness remains a big part of her life.
Looking back, she tells The Fitness Advocate, “I’ve always been into dance as a fitness activity since I was a kid. I never liked any PE classes in primary to high school to college unless it had dance elements or options to learn dance.”
“I stuck to just doing dance until I was 21 as that’s when I first fell in love with pole,” she points out. “Around that time is also when I started discovering other aspects of physical capacities like strength, flexibility and endurance that help me in dance and pole skills.
“The journey to improve in those areas pushed me to try calisthenics and basic adult gymnastics which I thoroughly enjoyed, next thing I know I’m into aerial hoop, silks, and hammock too!”
All that changed when the big move to The Land Down Under happened. For the next three to four years, she didn’t touch any aerial apparatus. Instead, she developed an interest in weight lifting, running, cardio endurance training, and heels dance.
“Now that I have the privilege of time, energy, and other resources to actually do anything I’d like to do,” she says. “I’m juggling between running, lifting, aerials, calisthenics, Pilates, yoga, dance—there are so many side quests!”
She then takes us back to the time she started her pole dancing journey with a fun fact: “I won a class pack at Big Shift after joining Mellow Radio’s Facebook competition back in 2012, and my first teacher was Jamaica Jornacion!”
That experience proved to be life-changing. “I was instantly hooked despite the bruises and I very soon found myself body rolling down the rabbit hole of Dirdy Birdy’s, Marlo Fisken’s, and Michelle Stanek’s YouTube channels.”
What made her fall in love with pole dance?
“The possibilities of self-discovery are seemingly infinite,” she replies. “It’s that journey of unravelling the amazing things your body can do to how amazing your body can make you feel.
“I was among those young girls who were sucked into the vortex of ‘skinny is pretty’ and only when I started pole did I genuinely, deeply feel how superficial and un-loving that mentality was.”
Karen can’t forget being attracted to sensual pole because of its “intimidating and unapologetic factor.”
She hastens to add, “I’m sure I’m not alone when I say sultry and sensual pole dance intimidated me when I was a young poler—it takes absolute courage to look at yourself and unwrap your vulnerabilities and accept them.
“That was challenging for me and I’m not a person who backs out of challenges like that, so when I started exploring the sensuality that I possess, albeit it was rough at the start, I’m not exaggerating when I say it felt very powerful.
“Suddenly I felt much taller and more in command and more assertive, suddenly I felt that I am ME. Sensuality and sultriness in pole made me feel at home with my body and own my feminine fire, it made me want to love my body the way it loves me back.”
She continues, “I wouldn’t say it is the ultimate expression of self-love as I believe self-love is a spectrum than an end-destination, but it definitely is one of the hardest and most rewarding ways to honour yourself.
“In sensuality and sultriness you peel back layers of yourself, you expose vulnerabilities and weaknesses and flaws, things you don’t like about yourself—and that practice is extremely hard.
“That stretch mark on your lower back, that mildly bent leg extension in fan kicks, that muffin roll you’ve been obsessing about, the way you can’t body roll yet like it’s your job.
“It’s so difficult to confront yourself this way, but only in immersing in these imperfections can you emerge as genuinely you and my god isn’t that just absolutely delicious and sexy.
“I read somewhere that the world is scared of women who own their sensuality, sexuality and sultriness—I couldn’t agree more because nothing can stop women like that.”
Anne believes that pole dancing is an ultimate self-expression of love
Cute as a button Anne Conda transforms into a sultry vixen when performing, even just a demo for her students. Oh, she also has infinite patience especially when teaching sultry pole foundations, starting with the basic grips and walk.
Small wonder then she’s so loved by her students at Elite Aerial Arts on Maginhawa Street in Quezon City, where she has intermediate and advanced classes in sultry pole, plus vixen chair dance and intro to aerial hoop. She also teaches at Misfit Pole Studio in East Fairview, Quezon City.
“I have always been into fitness since then,” she tells The Fitness Advocate. “I tried Zumba, Pilates, yoga, Muay Thai, boxing, cross fit, gym training, pole, and aerial arts. Pole and aerial fitness stayed with me until now. I do CrossFit sometimes too.”
In our past interview for a newspaper article, the mom of one narrated how she started her pole journey in 2015: “I wasn’t really interested or looking for something new. But my high school friend was interested to try, so I thought, why not.”
But she had to stop taking pole lessons, resuming only a year later and never looked back since then. “I found myself liking pole fitness not because you wear less clothing, but because I came to understand the sport. No, I did not feel uneasy wearing pole outfits.”
She added she wasn’t unfazed even if she grew up with a “religiously-inclined family,” where female members were expected to “dress properly.” She pointed out, “When I became a mom, what other people were saying about what or what not to wear did not affect me.”
In our recent interview for this piece, she shares the reason why she fell in love with pole dancing.
“Because of its feeling,” she says, “the feeling of being empowered by my movement. It brought out my femininity.
“The realization of ‘I can still dance after all these years,’ after being a mom. It resonates and becomes an outlet of my emotional pains.”
Anne goes on explaining why she got attracted to sultry pole: “Because of the complexity of its movement, shapes and how amazing it is to explore your body in motion. The skills I learned and the talent I possess mixed together is such an out of this world experience.”
She elucidates, “I do believe that pole dancing is an ultimate self-expression of love. Mainly because, you can see your body differently and beautifully of what it can do for you.
“I realize that my flaws are not a flaw. It's what makes you different.”
Melanie tells her students to feel beautiful, sexy, a dyosa when pole dancing
Melanie Brillantes, 43, is quite a legend in the pole dance community. Her students follow her from her home studio, Fame Artists’ Studio in Makati City, to Stardanz Fitness Studio in Quezon City and The Dance Lab in Marikina City.
The Fame Artists’ Studio cofounder and owner tells The Fitness Advocate that she was a cheerleader in her college years. Then she became a professional dancer and a cheerdance coach. She also used to teach jazz, hip-hop, belly dance, and Zumba.
These days, Melanie is focused on teaching pole fitness, pole spin, and pole exotic.
But how did she end up in the field of pole dance?
It all started sometime last quarter of 2009, when she was already a mom to twin kids. She walked into the Movement Dance Studio and must’ve been so impressive that the studio’s owner offered her to try pole dancing.
“I trained in pole dance for free as part of my teachers training,” she recalls. “And I enjoyed it kahit nilagnat ako after first day of class na two hours agad, hahaha!”
Years of practice as a performer and teacher have made her realize that pole dance, whether it’s called exotic or sultry, is indeed an expression of self-love.
“Striptease pole pa lang noon, hindi pa uso ang eight inches heels, I always tell my students to feel beautiful and sexy and a dyosa when dancing on pole. Seduce yourself. You just have to impress yourself, not anyone else.”
Jeffy credits pole dance to become more accepting and forgiving of herself
The pole and burlesque performer and teacher, who goes by the mononym Jeffy, has been dancing her “whole life.” Starting at childhood, she was into Chinese folk dancing and then went into cheer dancing in high school.
Years passed and one day, she saw a pole dancing video on Instagram and was blown away in awe.
“I didn't know that you could be both strong and graceful,” she remembers thinking then. “And look sexy while doing it too. I thought it looked cool.
"But the sport wasn't really in my mind back then, just something that I wanted to try out in the future.”
The time came in 2018, when she was already working and feeling depressed that she fell into “kind of a slump.”
She wanted to get back into dancing, or at least start working out. So, she first enrolled in a gym.
“But it didn't satisfy what my body craved,” Jeffy, now 37, says in reflection. The realization led her to remember the pole dancing video she had seen online. “So, I looked up for dance studios nearby.”
That was around Mother Ignacia Street in Quezon City, where Stardanz Fitness Studio is located. It offers classes in pole dance, aerial arts, and dance fitness. This is also where Jeffy teaches pole exotic and makes her students own up their sensuality with her empowering choreography.
“I went into my first pole class and fell in love with it instantly,” she says. “Joining my first recital helped me discover this passion, I realized that I want to do this full time.”
Meaning, “performing for shows and get paid doing it and to also become a teacher, so I can share this with others.”
What was about pole dancing that made her fall hard for it?
“I thought it looked cool that you could both be sexy and strong,” she says.
“But mainly I fell in love with it because it had saved my life and had given my life meaning. I loved how good the sport made me feel inside and outside. I still do!”
She adds, “I rediscovered and have embodied my femininity thru it, and I wanted to share it with more people, especially women.
“I'm also more excited to share my sensuality with more women in this very patriarchal society of ours, and want women to know that it's okay and that we should embrace it, and that we are all awesome and HOT.”
She then zeroes in on the sensual and sultry type of pole dancing.
“It wasn't only just about looking sexy, but that you're also able to showcase your strength too! It has also made me fall in love with myself and have become more accepting and forgiving of myself, which is what I really want to share with more people, not just the techniques.
“Plus, I love doing sexy poses, it makes me feel empowered as a naturally boyish girl. And that I'm always surrounded by pretty and amazing women so that's a bonus!”
Jeffy wouldn’t say that her favored type of pole dance is the ultimate expression of self-love. But, she points out, “it's one of the many ways on expressing your love to yourself.”
She explains, “Doing this has taught me to become more accepting and forgiving of myself, not just physically but also mentally, especially. Showing up is always important, and always do it for yourself.”
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